my parrot preens my hair, which is cute, but when he does he makes his food eating noise (copied from listening to me chew) so it’s also a bit disconcerting to hear him going HORMNOMNOM into my hair
I was joining random dating sites and i came across one called “Top Tier” which was apparently only for very rich people with high IQs. Only, there was no vetting process so i figured it was just for pompous assholes who thought they were top tier.
I signed up to see what it was like. The color scheme of the site was yellow on black. You had to select one of three options indicating if you were single or not. I don’t remember what the first two were, but the third one was, “you can go to hell,” which meant that for whichever reason, you weren’t interested in anyone. If you chose this option you couldn’t even search the site, so I backed up and chose a different option.
I found Uma Thurman on the site and jokingly sent her a date request, but she actually accepted and now I had a date with her set for tomorrow evening. I was in a panic because I didn’t want to date Uma Thurman. In the dream, she was known for being mean. I was still stressing about how I was gonna break this date, when I woke up.
again, I really need to read the usernames on this fucking site
“lol Android users be like-” your phone is designed to break down after a year, your apps are all programmed to draw unnecessary power after 2 years, all your accessories and hardware are arbitrarily made with only 1 kind of plug in mind so you can’t use them with anything else or get them from anywhere else, the cables are 150$ and break in a year, your phones will not charge if there is lint in the port, the stores will ask you for 150$ to remove that lint, the phone itself is 900$
But your chat bubbles are blue so that balances it out right
they literally removed the audio plugin and called it a benefit that it can now only work with their arbitrary wireless headphones. They coloured the phones a pinky gold and sold it for twice as much.
This isn’t a drag against you this is a drag against apple, the company. Their products are price hiked to an insane, impossible degree. They aren’t selling you the product, they are selling you the superiority of being able to smugly say you have an iphone.
They deliberately built up a culture of apple supremacy (especially as a class barrier but i aint even gonna go into that), and now people are making posts like “lmao android users have a bad camera” (they dont) or “lmao android users send bad snapchats” (the android version of snap is deliberately coded to force lower resolution images in order to, surprise, get people saying that exact thing to further encourage #iphoneculture)
Buy an iphone if you want lord knows I’ve bought frivolouss things but can you PLEASE recognize youre being deceived??? theyre playing you every single time you make a post about your iphone and buy into their culture to squeeze more and more money out of you and divide the market and inevitably the classes.
Reddit, meet Sushi. My boyfriend found this little sweetie yelling at him from an alleyway while on a walk with our pup. He brought her home and now she’s having a catnap. (Source: https://ift.tt/2KnbAEF)
Touchy girls are the best. Like yes play with my hair, give me arm tickles, and hold my hand whenever you want. There are very few things more great than skin on skin contact with the person you love.
Seriously.
4 years ago, I’m cashiering at a whacky mart on a register that holds
all the smokes and alcohol. It’s 10pm and these two young men (early
20s) come up to the counter. They have three random novelty items (I
don’t remember they were), but it was strange and unusual to get odd
items this late at night. Maybe it was for some fraternity, I don’t
know. It’s a college town so I get weird stuff from frats a lot. I scan
the items and tell them their total is $22.xx.
Grinning at each other, they reach into their jackets and slam down
two gallon zip-lock bags, full of only pennies. I stare them in the eye,
but they didn’t even look back at me. Everyone else in line groan and
went to other registers. These two kids knew what they were doing, but
they didn’t know what they were in for because I prepared for this; I
knew this was going to inevitably happen. I grinned with them, because I
was gonna get paid during this. These pranksters are here for
recreation. This convo occurs between Me, Ringleader (the other guy was
silent and awkward), and a friendly coworker of mine.
Me: Is this $22.xx?
Ringleader: …
Me: Did you count it?
Ringleader: Nope.
Me: Are you going to?
Ringleader: Nope.
Me: Is it at least $22.xx?
Ringleader: Don’t know.
Me: Nice.
Coworker: Hey! You guys can use the self checkout. It can take all of your coins at once.
Me: Oh, don’t worry about it Cowor–
Ringleader: Nope, don’t trust them lady. (Partner laughs)
Coworker: What? Why!?
Ringleader: Doesn’t count all your change right.
Coworker: I’ve used them before. It really works!
Me: (to Coworker) I got this.
I unpacked the ziplocks and threw all the pennies on the counter. It
was a beautiful, massive shitstorm of a mess. And I digged in it. I was
Frank in a dumpster in ‘It’s Always Sunny’. The two, still averting my
gaze, start chuckling as if they were taking away my dignity. They
whisper to each other “Dude oh my God,” “Dude yeah,” “Dude, hilarious.”
I counted each penny, one by one. My coworker comes up to me.
Coworker: Guess I’ll help you count this.
Me: Don’t worry about it.
(She looks at me confused. Then she puts on her ‘get down to busy’ look.)
Coworker: I got your back.
Me: Oh…ok.
We worked up a system where we counted ten, put them in a pile, then
with ten stacks of ten pennies we separated them, making $1 piles. We
made progress slowly but surely. Some customers came to the line, but we
advised them to get to another line. Some of them looked at us
confused, but when they saw the counter full of pennies they understood.
Some decided to wait, but when they realized it wasn’t going to take
just a few minutes they took their leave. Another register in the liquor
department opened so it wasn’t too bad for other customers. We get to
about $12 (about 10min in) until I “knocked” over the piles.
Coworker: Neontonsil!
Me: Oops. Sorry.
(Coworker looks at my grin. I give her a wink and tilt my head, motioning her to leave)
Coworker: You know what, I think I better let you do this.
Me: Ha, alright.
(Coworker leaves. I look at the two guys. They are absolutely stunned at the fallen piles of pennies.)
Me: (To Ringleader) Yeah, I’m going to have to count all of this again.
Ringleader: ….Ok.
I started from zero. I count slower then ever, and made my way back
up. The duo is entirely silent. I get to about $7, when suddenly I say:
Me: Drats. I lost count. I better start all over again.
Ringleader: Really?
Me: Oh yeah man.
Ringleader: Why!?
Me: I lost count, sir. I could be in trouble if my register doesn’t
have the right amount of cash, and I don’t want to rip you off.
Ringleader: …
It’s about an hour later. My manager walks past, looks at me. I smile
at him, and he looks at the counter. He walks away without a word. I
eventually count all the change and surprisingly they had only $18!
Me: Hmm, I think that this is $18.
(The duo has been dead silent. They look done for the night.)
Me: I’ll recount it.
I fucking recounted it.
Me: I think this is actually $19.xx.
(Without a word, the Ringleader whips out a $5)
Me: Seriously? You had cash?
Ringleader: Needed to get rid of my change.
Me. No problem. I’ll just recount this again. I want to make
perfectly sure that this is $19, since I counted $18 the first time.
Ringleader: Are you kidding me?
(I shake my head no, completely serious)
He takes out a $20 bill straight out of his pocket and throws it at
me. My coworker gives the biggest WHAT THE FUCK face. Internally, I die
as well, because they were smart enough to have a backup plan. And the
fact that he was touching his cash in his pocket the entire time kinda
messed with me. I take the cash, do the transaction, give him his
change, thanked him and wished him a good night. The two start to put
their pennies back in the ziplock bags and I didn’t help them at all. I
watched them just as how they watched me. Lots of pennies dropped to the
floor, but they didn’t care to pick them up. It looked like their souls
were sucked out of them. It was past midnight and I clocked out way
past when I was supposed to. A lot of my coworkers gave me a thumbs up
or told me good night. Even my manager told me ‘good job,’ the only two
words he ever said to me. Went to bed at the dorms after such a great
petty penny night and crashed. Strange to say, but I’d love to count
pennies again.
TL;DR I recounted 1900 pennies like 5 times. Was it 5 times? I better count again.
This is the kind of spite I live for
The term for this, if you didn’t already know it, is “malicious compliance”.
